Erect a massive monument taller than any other monument and make jokes about other monuments and forget your plans to learn how to fly or to at least buy a personal jet pack

School wasn’t working. I was too tall. I think the other kids couldn’t decide if they adored me, loathed me, or both. At recess I always would have to stand in timeout because I would accidentally zing the motherfuckers too hard during games of dodgeball. They would cry and complain to our teacher, Mrs. Sorrento, and she would put me in timeout.

One day I was standing against the wall as usual during recess. I was staring at Mrs. Sorrento and a girl called Molly Hersheiser. They were standing a few yards away talking. I felt my penis lurch. I wiggled my mid-drift. My pants were too small for me. Mother was trying to dress me to look as small as possible because of all the verbal harassment I endured. But as I fidgeted in my pants my penis got harder, and bigger. It felt like a bone. Molly Hersheiser walked past me. She looked at my pants and screamed. Mrs. Sorrento looked at me before turning away. She shielded Molly’s eyes.

The erections continued.

One time during the winter I was out at recess again when it happened. Being in the classroom was much easier because there were desks (I had a small teacher’s desk because of my size, but it still was a suitable cover). I moved away from the kids who were playing and talking and stood by a corner of the school’s walls. I looked down at the erection. I decided to massage it instead. I was nice to it but it stayed hard. I got mad and started massaging it violently. It got bigger and harder than it had ever gotten before. I unzipped my pants and goo was beginning to come out.

I remembered that there were people playing in the snow around me. I decided to move closer to the wall. I came upon the wall, not much, but a good amount. The concrete brick was, to my surprise, somewhat sensational. I looked around and saw a kid from my class called Guy. He looked at me with a smile that suggested he knew he had caught me doing something that was forbidden. I glared at him. He was wearing a jean jacket and black jeans and he had his hair gelled back. He ran to Mrs. Sorrento. I zipped my fly up. Mrs. Sorrento came over and asked me to explain the wet marks on the wall. I said I had thrown a snowball at the wall. I was sent to the principal’s office and told my parents would be called.

When I got home later that day my parents sat me down. They said they would believe my story. They couldn’t believe that their son would piss on a wall.

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